Things I'll forget

When I go to unsnap my nursing tank top, the baby looks up at me (or anyone else in the room) with a GREAT BIG SMILE! He knows what he's about to get!

Sunday, February 26 ... Standing!

Of course he won't do it while I have the camera, but we have standing! On his own, on purpose! I think he was jealous of baby Henry, whom we met on Saturday at babywearing club.

But Chris and I both got to see the first standing from a squatting position!


**updated**

Finally got a picture!

Monday, February 20 ... Bowling!

Today we went bowling! Baby had SUCH a good time! He's been so good in crowds and at parties, I feel great about taking him with me everywhere. (I even forgot the diaper bag at Steph's on the way there, but he was perfect! a.k.a., no pooping!)

He clapped for everyone, and finally mastered "Touchdown" -- a few weeks too late for the Superbowl, but everyone at the lanes got a kick out of it.


It's been such a long long weekend. We had our first real playdate with Andrea and Rafael from Babywearing/LLL, and Andrea helped me modify my coat with a head hole for the baby.

We had our first real injury. I was putting him in the carrier and caught his mouth with my thumb, cutting his gum with my nail. ouch.

Gramma and Grampy Hartford came down on Sunday. We had a big trip to Home Depot to get more pipe insulation (cheap table-edge baby-proofing), and we practiced putting in the big boy car seat rear-facing.

And we got to play with a new toy from Grampy!

Things I'll forget

When we're eating breakfast and I reach under his high chair tray to pick up food he's dropped, he thinks I'm trying to tickle him.

February 11 ... 10 Months!

10 Months!!!

(this was the only picture of him not wimpering, the Grumpus)

He does so many things!

He's finally laughing. It takes throwing him up in the air a la Swinging Baby Yoga or snorting in his ear to get him started. Then it takes normal things like tickling and regular ol' baby tossing.

He walks while holding on to your hands.

He still lets go of things without realizing, and has started squatting -- balancing somewhere between standing and sitting.

He eats anything you put in front of him, including mushed up versions of everything we eat.

That pureed beef stew. A big hit.

Pancakes!

He's also very good at restaurants, probably because he likes eating.

Panera!

He is also very silly, imitating us and making funny noises.

He claps AND can scare the dog too!

He LOVES bathtime!

And best of all, he's sleeping in his OWN room and ALL NIGHT! Last night he slept from 8:00p to 6:00a without a peep!

Still nursing, which came in handy when we were all sick. I couldn't stand up, and he was so grumpy, this is the only way he would sleep:

He's got 7 teeth now, so we're experimenting with nursing positions that don't end up with teeth marks on my nipples. Lying back with him on top of me is helping.

My squishy:

Friday, February 10 ... Slept All Night!!!

Yes, it's true. He fell asleep around 8:30pm, and slept ALL THE WAY until almost 6am!!! Which means I slept from about 10 to 6!!! I haven't slept STRAIGHT through the night since he was born! I feel like million bucks!

The Sleep Study continues

After almost two weeks of baby sleeping in his own room, I've gone from mildly tied Momma, to full-on Zombie, to perhaps the most rested I've felt in months.

Summary:
The first night was awesome. He slept from 7:30p-3:30a with only a little whine around 11:30 or so, then slept again from about 4a-6a. It was awesome.
Until that night.
And the night after that.

For the next few days, he woke up at 4am and STAYED AWAKE. Then it got better -- he'd wake up around 11 and then cry until about 12, and THEN wake up at 4 and stay awake. I was on about 4 hours sleep for about two or three days. The best day was Friday -- he was up at 3:45, I nursed him until about 5am, decided to bring him to the rocking chair and try to get him back to sleep, came out into the kitchen and ... stepped in dog shit. Brilliant. (The dog has been acting a little more jealous lately, especially now that I lie down with him on the guest bed in his room, which is too high for her to jump up on to.)

However, it has gotten better this week.After screaming until 1am on Super Bowl Sunday night, he's been sleeping longer and going back to sleep more easily. Last night he was up once during the night (which I slept through, so he must not have really meant it), woke up at 5, and went back to sleep until 7. I'd call that a success.

We're going to move the real crib out of our room this weekend -- we kept it just in case this plan completely backfired. I can't wait to be able to get out of bed ON MY SIDE!

Took a few pictures just to remember (for next time? yeah right!).

Things I'll forget ....

This isn't a cute baby thing. It's a weird breastfeeding thing. For some reason, when I'm pumping at work, the milk lets down and I laugh. Like tickle in my stomach, a cute guy just smiled at me, nervous laugh. I can't help it. I think the wires in my brain are a little crossed.

Saying it Out Loud ... *I* didn't deliver him

Starting a new posting category today . . . "Saying it Out Loud". This whole blog has been about the baby, obviously, but I haven't said much about myself, how *I* am handling this whole motherhood thing. I keep being mad that "no one says ___ outloud!" (fill in the blank with anything about REAL life with a baby). Well, that stops now.

Episode 1 ... "*I* didn't deliver him"

No, this is not about C-Sections. I read a lot during pregnancy about the post c-section guilt about not actually birthing the baby yourself. Lots of moms say "I failed at labor" or feel like they were cheated or missed out on the birth they wanted. That wasn't me. I have nearly the exact birth I had wanted: qualified for the Birthing Center; got there at just the right time (6 cm dilated); labored in the tub; no wires, no drugs, only one exam. But something has bothered me about my birth from day 1, and it's taken me until now (almost 10 months later) to figure out what it is.

I feel like *I* didn't deliver him. 

The day after the birth, the doula asked me "So how to you feel about how it went?". I said that I expected the pushing part to be different, that I had always imagined a slower, active pushing phase, where I was in control, present, and working to push my baby out. That's not what happened. You can read the whole story here, but here's the quick version: labored for a few hours at the Birthing Center; took a walk down the hall; one "I can't do it" contraction; started spontaneously pushing while standing in the hall; freaked out; Bag of Waters, still in tact, was hanging out of me; got to the room; one or two contractions; baby was born. From "I can't do it" to baby in about 4 minutes.

For heaven's sake, I only pushed for 4 minutes! I should be ecstatic about it! But I sort of feel like I missed out. I can't remember what it felt like. I can barely remember doing it. I feel like *I* did everything else -- *I* labored in the tub, *I* dealt with the pain, *I* kept myself together. But it's like someone or something else delivered him, like *I* was not a part of it. So the whole experience feels sort of unfinished.

It's not like I can go back and do it differently, but at least I think I have a handle on what the issue is. I wonder if this is why it was so hard to bond with the baby right away. I would look at him and sort of think "What are YOU doing here?", and now I think it was because I was feeling, "You're not supposed to be here. I haven't given birth to you yet".