Up today on the "fun things to get mommy out of the house" list -- Babies R Us! We were in the market for: a wipe warmer (to minimize the screaching during middle of the night diaper changes); pacifier (oh, and you KNOW I was one of those "my baby will never use a pacifier" people, until about day 2 of his life -- I held out until 4 weeks though!); one of those pumping bras that holds the pumps on for you, because I didn't realize you need three hands to work it, and the addition hand does not come standard with the pump; and a super cute outfit for our trip up to the grandparents' at the end of the month.
I was determined that it was going to be a good trip, not like the Starbuck's trip on Monday. I fed him right before we left, and he fell asleep in the stroller on the way over there (about a 20 minute walk, though I "strolled" and called my friend on the way over, so maybe 30 minutes). The SECOND we got in the store he woke up and started screaming. It was not the best time because I was finally opening up to my friend about how rough things have been, and all of a sudden he's screaming, I'm crying, and the sales guy is coming over and asking me if I need help, which of course I interpret as "you clearly don't know what you're doing, you need help". Luckily I had been in this store about a month ago, very pregnant, so I knew exactly where the bathroom was. I was pleased to also find a Mother's Room, with a changing table and a couch, so I could sit and feed him.***
So I calm him down and decide to put him in the sling, since the bouncing might get him back to sleep. The SECOND we exit the Mother's Room, cue the screaming!!! UHG!!! Now, the day before I had been at the Baby Wearing meetup, and had asked how other moms go about nursing while their babies are in carriers/slings, and a few showed me how they did it, but also assured me that "nursing a 1-month old is difficult enough; don't beat yourself up about not being able to nurse on the go yet." But we were in a desperate situation now (as I saw it), so I went for it. I walked around Babies R Us (because I came there to shop, dammit!), with baby attached to my left boob. And it worked . . . at least it kept him quiet. He zonked out after a few minutes, I went on my merry way. I even dared to hit up the Kohls across the way, since BRU didn't have any newborn clothes dapper enough for my taste.
I found some cute things at Kohls and headed home. However, it was now about 5:00, the "witching hour" where all he does is scream. It's like in a horror movie, when the young girl is headed home right at sundown and all the crazies come out! About 5 minutes from the store, he completely lost it. I stopped on the street, put him back in the sling, and whipped out the boob. I walked the rest of the way home with him attached, pushing the stroller with one hand (holding him up with the other, since he's still not quite big enough to stay attached on his own).
Now, I thought I was pretty well covered, considering. I'm all for the right to nurse in public, which I do, but I try to keep covered for my own modesty, and to not make other people uncomfortable with the skin, cause my boobs are pretty big. However, but I'm not the tallest person, so if you were to talk past me and glance down to see the baby, you were going to get a eye-full of side boob. Oh the looks I got walking home!!! Some were simply "woe, that's surprising", but some full-on "what the eff does she think she's doing!?!?!" Sigh. And I was getting the same looks before when he was crying, so I really felt stuck.
I know I shouldn't care what people on the street think (and my neighborhood can be a little 'old world', so the Granny's probably think I'm some crazy hippie who might as well be going topless), but it just makes me so self-conscious to go out.
Side note, I think my baby needs on of those Boob Hats. He can wear it with his pink onesie.
*** Stay tuned for a separate post about my issues deciding what sort of parent I'm going to be regarding "scheduling" . . . do I get this kid on a schedule so I can get some sleep, or do I feed him whenever he wants forever, and what does that mean for the future?